No visit to Dr Country this month

We won't be visiting Dr Country this month. Sadly, the appropriate cycle day conflicts with my law exams, for which I will be in the big city. Husband will be coming with me, so I suppose the possibility of trying is there, but right now I will refrain from speculating on what may or may not happen in an inner city hotel room, after a lovely dinner in an expensive restaurant that will certainly have a fabulous wine list.

Next time that we do go to visit Dr Country, we will be having a very serious discussion with him. I am going to ask to be treated with intralipids. I am not going to take no for an answer. I don't have any reason to think that Dr C won't be open to this, as he has been very accommodating of us thus far, and always willing to discuss options.

I am going to do this because I need a plan. Because I simply can't go on like this any more. Because D and I had "the talk". Or rather, I talk, he listens, I talk and try not to cry, he looks upset, I talk some more, then he says, whatever you want, darling. Suffice to say that I have drawn my line in the sand.

It's all rather sad. Sad. It's the only word I can think of to describe how I am feeling right now.

I need this nightmare to end.

Can any one out there assist me?

I will get straight to the point.

I am considering having further immune testing done but to do this I need to ship blood to one of the labs in the US. The main labs I am aware of are Millenova, Beer Centre, Rosalind Franklin University, SIRM.

If there is any one out there from Australia who has had this testing, can you please leave a comment telling me how you did it. I'd also love to hear about who you went with and what you thought of the experience, but primarily, I need to know how to get the blood drawn. Was the referral from the overseas lab sufficient and where did you go locally to get the draw? Did you need a pathology referral from a local doctor?

A lot of questions, I know.

A ton of thanks to any one out there who can help.

Two hours later

One our ago I went to the bathroom and there was a small amount of brown spotting on my liner.

My heart sank. Tried to convince myself it might be okay. Have had brown spotting in positive cycles.

Five minutes ago I went to the bathroom and saw bright red blood.

I spoke too soon.

It's over.

Curiosity killed the cat

It's 12dpo today and so I decided to brave the waters and pee on a stick.

There was a line there. Not a super dark one, but one that was good enough. I'd be happy to see a line like that under normal circumstances.

I want to believe this could be real but I can't. I'm 95% sure it is residual trigger shot.

I am officially on AF watch. She is technically due to arrive tomorrow. If she does not I will test again on Tuesday. I never make it past 13dpo in a negative cycle, so that would be something.

I have trapped myself in the land of HPT hell and I only have myself to blame. Next time I'm just going to wait.

6dpo and counting

6dpo and counting. One week to go.

Today I peed on a stick to see if the trigger was gone. I didn't think it would be entirely gone, but what I got for my trouble was a very dark line, almost as dark as the control. WTF!

Honestly, I just don't think I will bother testing out the trigger in future cycles. My observations thus far (scientific, eh?) have shown that I am very slow at processing it. I still get faint lines as late as 13dpo. Grrrr.

I want to be one of those lucky people whose trigger is gone in 3-4 days. Oh fertility goddessess, can't you bless me with this one small thing? Can't something go my way? Just once? Please?

Of course, the only reason I want to be one of those people is so that I can pee on a stick for real and get a reliable result. Maybe around 12dpo. But no, I'm just going to have to wait it out.

Sigh.

Attempt #4

Firstly, welcome to ICLW for January 2010! If you are reading this blog for the first time, everything essential you need to know is over there in the side bar. Currently, thanks to our wonderful new doc who prescribed prednisone, my uNK have returned to normal levels. We are currently in the two week wait on cycle tracking attempt #4.

I did go to my appointment. Of course. I don't know how he does it, but Dr Country always makes me feel better. We have the whole thing down to a routine now. We say hello, I get straight on the table. He tells me about his other patients (in a general sense). He makes jokes. I tell him what I expect to see on the scan and he laughs when he sees I am right. He says I know myself well. Yeah, that and I have been at this trying to conceive and tracking ovulation thing for FOUR YEARS.

So, as predicted, I had a 22mm follicle on the right, and lining looked perfect. All good to go. Dr C gave me the trigger shot with such care that the only thing I felt was the sting of the medication going in. I didn't feel the needle at all. I.love.that.man.

I jump off the table, get dressed, and go back to his office. Now we "await my pregnancy". It's hard to be depressed in the face of such unflinching optimism, but you know, I have a reputation to uphold. I will not get excited. I will remain neutral. I am calm, cool, and collected.

Seriously though, I do feel better. All my girlie parts work fine, our timing was perfect. I will admit to being ever-so-slightly hopeful that we might catch the pregnant this time.

There, I said it.

Jinx.

Why?

At 4:15pm this afternoon I have another appointment with Dr Country for follicle tracking/trigger shot. I don't want to go. I'm still finding it hard to muster up any excitement for these cycles and I certainly don't have any expectations of success. Call it a side effect of long term trying-to -conceive-itis.

One of two things is going to happen at this appointment:
1. There will be a nice big 20mm+ follicle on the right side and we will trigger; or
2. There will be nothing because it is CD 13 and I suspect that I may have already ovulated.

Nice as Dr C is, I don't really need to pay him $300 to find out that I already ovulated. I don't really need a trigger shot to make me ovulate, either. So why the hell am I doing this?